Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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