I think I am morally bankrupt
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
