Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
