Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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