and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
