the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
