fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
