We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
