Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
