I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
