going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
