I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
