Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
