If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
