FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Terrible idea I love it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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