Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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