Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
