Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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