My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
