Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
