yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
