he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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