that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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