I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
