I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
