and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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