I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
wow bdsm is so cute
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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