it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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