I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
