You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
