Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
