guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
