so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
