I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
