yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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