Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
