I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
