I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
