In the future we'll all be gay
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
