Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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