i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
