I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its not stalking. its research.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
