I could have mohawked her pubes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
