so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
