He is an equal opportunity slut.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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