if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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