ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
