So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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