Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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