Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
