I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
