So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
